I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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