Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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