I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
