Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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