So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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