the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
