Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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