toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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