i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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