I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize