after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
