Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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