Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
