I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
