Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She even gives head with a lisp.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
