What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
