thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I will be naked everywhere
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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