writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
