jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am one with the molecules
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
