I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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