JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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