Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
