So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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