Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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