Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
