4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
