omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
