She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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