If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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