Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
