y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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