You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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