hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
