my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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