You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
