My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
