i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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