My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So much rum. So many feels.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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