Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
