do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
