her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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