Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
