Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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