Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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