U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
