i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
