I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
