Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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