Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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