I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
