Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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