i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
