What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
