That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
