ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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