this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
