my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
