You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
