why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
