Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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