life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
