Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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