problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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