Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
50% drunk capacity currently
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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