i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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