if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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