At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
