That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
