i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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