She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
