Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
