sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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