New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Boobs are out for the taking
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
