i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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