Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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