I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My hand turned me down
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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