$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
