I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she woke up with a sticky ear
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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