69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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