So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
