i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize