At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
