I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
