Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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