What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
