homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
