would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
