You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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