I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Text me some of your sweat
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