we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
