My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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