i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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