Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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