I can tuck mytits in my pants
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
